Toxic envirnoment

So....I thought I could do it. I thought it would be okay. Boy, was I wrong!!
I thought I could go back to work at H.E.L.L. to help my DH (dear husband).
I just wanted to help him, plant some flowers, design some baskets, get stuff ready.
Just thinking about going back last night gave both of us upset stomachs...you know the kind the sends you running to the bathroom a couple of times???
Walking in today my stomach was churning, I was shaking, just wanted to run back to my cute car...get in it and go home.
But I was strong....I could help my DH!
Wow. It took everything that I had.
Then my CFinL (crazy father-in-law) had to confront my husband about making sure I punched in and out with the time card. Like I never used to??? Come on!!
Hate burning a hole in my chest.
I hate that I hate.
I hate that I even care what these people think.
I hate that I care that they lie about me and my family.
What is wrong with me?
Why do I care about people that are so toxic that everything they touch goes bad?
I know I don't want to feel like this.
but i do
I have been trying to find another job somewhere where there aren't so many crazy,
toxic people.
My DH thinks that I have too much hate in me to be blessed with another job and that I have to get over it.
he's right
but how?
He saw a news show about a boy who shot his preacher father in the head and then shot his mother four times killing him. Miracles of miracles the father didn't die. The show was about how he forgave his son.
I think that is amazing and wonderful.
I wish I could be like that.
But I had to explain to DH that this situation is like being shot in the heart....working on forgiveness...... and them coming back in and shooting me in the heart...again....and then working on forgiveness....and them coming back in and shooting me in the heart....again....and again.....
How do I go forward?
I'm hurting.
crying
sick
I wake up in the night just shaking with fear and anger
help